Personal essay
The Typical Teenage girl
The blood started pulsing through my heart and veins. Every hair on my body was erect. Beads of sweat started slithering down my forehead, mixing with of tears. I knew I was over reacting, and acting hysterical, but the tears wouldn’t stop. They had a mind of their own, and weren’t planning on stopping anytime soon.
I became alert when the sound of booming size 12 Adidas prowled down the hallway. I counted to five Mississippi slowly, trying to pull myself together. There were three pounds against the hollow wooden door. With hesitation I was able to let out a small dry “yes,” even though I truly wanted to let yell ‘go away. I hate you. Leave!’ I gasped for air, suddenly forgetting how to use my lungs properly. My eyes filled with apprehension as his flushed face approached me. I clenched my teeth, held my knees to my chest with my arms and swayed front to back. This is one of those moments where adults always tell you to go to your happy place. Somewhere with unicorns, candy, and fairies.
I peered up with my saturated eyes. I could see his face, fiercely stern and his jaw locked, every chiseled bone. As his eyes squinted in disappointment, I prepared myself for the battle of wounding words. As every verbal bullet pierced my quaking body, I flinched with despair. Once he was out of ammo, I tried to plead my case. Trying to flip my voice box switch upward, I stuttered with a shaky ‘because… I don’t know why I did it Dick, I just had the sudden urge to check your myspace messages.” I tried to apologize. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have. It ‘s all my fault.” He shook his head as my father used to when I was being punished. A mixture of confusion and regret rolled over my face. I knew exactly what was going through his head. The thoughts were seeping out of his pores. He shot one last verbal bullet and departed. A few seconds later I heard his cream Camry purr to life than sputter out of the driveway.
I grasped my wooden dresser with my lifeless hand, trying to lift my paralyzed body up from the rugged carpet. My body was an anchor holding down my pride; not even the most vicious sea current would pull me away. I quickly re-evaluated my plan and placed my head onto scratchy ground. This lashing battle had been one of many. Any sane girl would be laughing right now. I wondered why I was not immune to the bullets and pain by now? I shook my head, pretending to shake the thoughts out my over packed mind. I began to think logically, realizing the holes in his argument. Why was he mad that I had caught him cheating? Why was I taking the beating for it? Why wasn’t I the one dramatically storming off? This couldn’t be love; I have seen every single sappy love movie since I was a young girl. Juliet never needed a bulletproof vest to protect against Romeo’s words. I had turned into the typical “teenage girl.” I remember reading ‘He is just not that into you,” and laughing. Even though the book couldn’t talk back I would always spit out phrases like ‘Ha, sweetie he doesn’t care for you, you’re an idiot’ or ‘Hey retard, move on, it’s not worth it.’ Without my noticing, I was vertical and glided toward my window shaded by the golden curtains. A jolt of confidence pulsed through my body.
Ringing filled the air as I reached in my pocket for the cheap silver flip phone. The corners of my mouth crept toward my cheeks with an evil sensation. He let out a harsh, “hello!” I felt the bulletproof vest appear for the first time, and with confidence I spoke “Hello sweetie, I would like to remind you that I was not the one caught cheating. Even though I shouldn’t have taken away your privacy, that doesn’t give you the right to spout off irrationally. I have had enough of these battles; there are too many wounds that haven’t healed. You no longer are boyfriend material, and I would appreciate it if you would leave me alone. Thank you. Take care.” I closed the phone, and felt the corners of my mouth start to rise once again as I threw the battery to the phone on the ground. Was this really the end? This wasn’t like the movies; I didn’t feel sick to my stomach or have the need to kill myself. I felt happy and strong, like nothing could come in the way.
I jumped up and walked over to my old brown dresser, opened the top left drawer and pulled out my favorite gray running shorts. Without hesitation I slipped them on to my prickly legs. I moved quickly to my closet and picked the tattered green high school volleyball shirt, pulled it over my head, and fastened myself into my plain running sneakers. I was always told that running can help release unwanted energy, and I figured this was the perfect situation to become one with the ground. I glided through the door and down the hallway that once seemed cursed. I swiftly snatched my iPod off the rectangular coffee table, placing the earphones in each ear, and off I went. Each stride felt more powerful than the last as I made my way through the driveway and down the street. Focusing on the heartbeat of my feet to the pavement, as all my negative thoughts replaced with those of rational thinking, I had created my own movie, ending, and plot. I now believe in healthy relationships, and breaking old habits.
